23 January, 2016 13:35

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The heart-warming tale of overcoming adversity was the central message last nights Australian Story – focusing on Wallabies superstar David Pocock and his family fleeing Zimbabwe in 2002 to seek the human right of asylum and safety in the Australian river city of Brisbane, QLD. 

With the seemingly innocuous episode highlighting the Wallabies flanker’s background, it came as a surprise to many people, including Immigration Minister Peter Dutton, that David Pocock and his family actually came here as refugees.

“My department has been made aware of the refugee status of the Pocock’s and we will be investigating the situation immediately” Mr Dutton claimed on Alan Jones’ Sydney breakfast show this morning.

“No one queue jumps and If they have come here illegally then they will be relocated to Nauru immediately for processing,”

“When you consider that he has also stirred up so much trouble in regards to his marriage equality and coal seam gas protests, I imagine we’ll be able to get relocated much quicker,”

While Alan Jones queried whether or not David’s case would be looked upon favourably due to the fact that Pocock is a “living legend of rugby union”, Mr Dutton responded by saying that it would make no difference, as he didn’t want to set a precedent that any world class athlete could just “come here and resettle” purely because their lives were at risk due to rising militias in a politically volatile country of mostly non-whites.

“If we set that precedent, the AIS would be full of brown and black people. I mean, the criteria is pretty obvious, isn’t it, Alan?”

“I mean if babies can cop it on Naura, for the most part, then surely the Pocock family can,”

Since this revelation, a leader of the controversial Australian nationalist movement, the United Patriot Front, Blair Cottrell, has come out publicly against Pocock, saying he should ‘F*** off back where he came from’ and he was nothing more than an ‘economic migrant’.

“David Pocock is a clear example that multiculturalism doesn’t work in this country and he should f*** off… I mean do you see any REAL Australians dobbing on their mates when they get called a poof on the field? Open-side wanker more like it. Plus he could have easily have gone to Ethiopia or something, that’s in Africa right? But guess what, the benefits aren’t as good there are they?”.

Blair Cottrell’s post has the full support of the UPF and currently has 52 likes on Facebook.

David and his family are currently holed up in the ARU, with CEO Bill Pulver, refusing to discharge them until the Immigration Department have agreed to release them into community detention.

Peter Dutton and his department have yet to respond to the demands, but the Minister for Immigration has stated that the countless surgical operations that have plagued the injury-prone Wallabies captain was “probably a result of self-harming. Either by him, or by his parents,”

“I am no expert on sport, in fact I have very little to do with the actual Australian people on a social, colloquial or even human level… But I know when I see a queue-jumper,”

‘Let them Stay’ rallies are being organised across the country in response to the latest developments tomorrow. It is predicted that the inclusion of Australian’s rugby union fan-base, which is predominantly made up of high-level bankers and legal professionals, may be enough to implore the Coalition government to reconsider sending innocent people to spend an indefinite amount of time to the under-resourced island prisons in pacific nations that really don’t want them there.


  1. Well, you lost that one, Peter, you fool. Here’s to many more. And your Naziesque, infantile claim that operations as a result of injuries were caused by self harm or harm from his parents! Really! Where were you when the brains were handed out?


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